


Swords and Bum Rolls

by tentaclekitten



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: Gen, Swords, skirts are impractical
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-06-10 01:54:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15281016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tentaclekitten/pseuds/tentaclekitten
Summary: Polly wants to practice swordfighting. Maladicta keeps her company.





	Swords and Bum Rolls

**Author's Note:**

  * For [opalmatrix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/opalmatrix/gifts).



The new uniforms were just a little inconvenient. The bum roll was mostly ignorable, but the long skirts made swordfighting hilariously ineffective. Luckily, Polly had anticipated the difficulty, so the only one who saw her make a fool of herself was Maladict. Maladicta. The vampire was lounging against a tree, making her skirted, bum rolled uniform look sophisticated. It must be a vampire skill.

Polly untangled her heel from her skirt and rose. She was sure she could change the uniform to something less impractical once she was in the field, anywhere near fighting, but as long as they were still training up the recruits, she was stuck with it. Which unfortunately meant she needed to learn to fight in skirts, at least well enough to not make a spectacle of herself.

“You want to go out in the woods, with a vampire, in the middle of the night?” Maladict had asked when Polly had requested her company.

“I need to practice,” she’d explained once she was sure there was no one close enough to overhear. “I can’t afford to have the men see me fall on my a… bum, and no one sneaks up on a vampire.”

Thrust, step. Thrust, step. Her heel tangling in her uniform skirt. Rise and repeat.

“We could add a hook on the side,” Maladict mused, her voice exactly loud enough to reach Polly’s ears and no louder. “Hitch the skirts up when we need to run or fight.”

Polly paused, startled, then continued her practice while she thought. “Maybe add a slit up the side too, to gain more freedom of movement.” she agreed. “People will complain, of course, but it’s not like anyone can see my ankles, I’m wearing trousers underneath anyway, and so are you if I’m not mistaken.”

When her arms ached too much to hold the sword steady anymore, Polly finally stopped. Keeping part of her mind on her heels to avoid tripping was annoying, but she was pretty sure it would become habit soon enough. She thought it would serve well on uneven ground or in a forest, even when she wasn’t wearing a skirt.

She stretched and put her sword away. “Alright, lets check in on the recruits on our way back,” she said.

Maladict pushed away from the tree she’d been leaning against with fluid grace. Their own training had been a bit unusual, so they’d missed out on a lot of the usual rumours and stereotypes that floated around camp, but Polly had already learned that the average soldier was convinced that sergeants never slept and were prone to pop out of nowhere when they were least wanted.

The guard on duty saluted when Polly stepped out of the shadows, and he kept his hand up even as his eyes popped out in surprise when Maladicta faded into view. That was one skill Polly envied. No matter how silent a human was, a vampire had them beat every day of the weak, but then again, Polly couldn’t be incapacitated by a loss of coffee, so she figured that balanced. 


End file.
